Saturday, August 09, 2008



Dear God, help me always to reach. If I am not always destined to attain, let my destiny be to always be reaching.

I want to always feel unsettled, because I don't want to settle for anything. A friend once told me, “You're kind of a cake-and-eat-it-too guy.” It's true, and this can be a source of frustration for me and for my friends when it keeps me from acting. I inwardly whine and outwardly do nothing. I'm often not quite content with the way things are, or the way they are expected to be, or the way things usually are. But I'm coming to accept this about myself.

My friend also told me there's nothing wrong with being a cake-and-eat-it-too kind of guy. After all, cake was made to be eaten. Somewhere in this, there is an important aspect of who I've been made to be. God put it there, and he put it there with specific purpose in mind. The task I've been given in this life will not be attained if I am not programmed to be reaching, to not be satisfied, and in all that to be facing new fears. God knows I won't run out of fears to conquer before I die. I'll just keep uncovering new ones.

And perhaps when I reach heaven, I'll have some cake and eat it.

But I want to always be reaching. I think it's the only way that I can be truly alive. If I felt I've attained it (whatever “it” is), then I'll be going nowhere, and I'll lose it. I want always to have enough longing that I never stop walking, and enough peace that I enjoy where I am.

So God, just help me to long for the right things: For justice. For mercy. For love.

Most of all, Dear God, let me long for your Heart. It's all that I want to reach.