Thursday, October 12, 2006

RED SCARE!


The truth is out there. Way out there. So out there you may not believe it. I have obtained the following document, mysteriously left at the doorstep of our YWAM Modesto office. I have long suspected an organized conspiracy. Nothing could have prepared me for this. Read with caution.
A.M.A.


To Truth-Seekers everywhere:

It is my ardent desire to pass this information on to you, even if it is at the cost of my own life.

There is a global conspiracy. It is very real and it is very dangerous. Every major national election or ascendancy to a throne over the past several hundred years has been engineered, organized and executed by a secretive group with dark intentions. The Priory of Sion is a fraud. The Masons are tired and old. The Illuminati is still in the Dark Ages. All true religious and political power in the world is directly connected with....

The Red Hat Society!

You may have seen the Red Hat Society in your own town. Donning purple dresses and red hats, these women over 50 gather in secretive meetings all over the world.

Using a thin veneer of “fun” as their cover, this organization gathers like-minded, middle-aged women into ‘Red Hat Sleeper-Cells’. Each of these groups are led by a “Queen Mother,” who is in turn accountable to the national “Exalted Queen Mother.” Other disturbing titles include “Vice-Mother”, “Vice- Queen,” and even “Mistress of Anxiety” These groups claim to be about “frivolity” and meeting middle-age with “verve, humor, and élan.” (Whatever the hell ‘élan’ is!) But the truth is that these groups are about secrecy, control, intimidation and NUDITY!

Nudity? Yes, nudity. Horrible, horrible nudity. It is common for local chapters of The Red Hat Society to hold “nude-outs,” where members of the group come together for a strange ceremony in which they have a brunch buffet, and proceed to remove their clothing, all the while cackling with turkey-like glee. I have in my possession disturbing and horrific photographic evidence, in the form of a calendar featuring various members in “sexy” or “sassy” poses. The images have been burned into my memory, and I am awakened every night, in a cold sweat, screaming for God to remove them from my mind.

It is at these secret, nude meetings that these middle-aged seekers of power come together to discuss their plans for world domination. You may be asking how these seemingly unassuming women have access to such incredible political and religious power. It is absolute genius in its simplicity. Almost every major president and/or head-of-state is middle-aged, and married to a middle-aged woman! It is a known fact that our own president George W. Bush is both a Mason and a member of the infamous Skulls. What is not common knowledge is his wife Laura’s role as ‘Queen Mother’ of the Washington, D.C. chapter of the Red Hat Society.

Washington has long been linked to the Red Hats. Nancy Reagan practically flaunted her involvement with her trademark red dresses. It is customary for the First Lady to wear a hat to her husband’s inauguration. Nancy’s choice of color? RED! She was making a bold statement to the world about who was really in control of the presidency: The Red Hat Society!

However, the Society’s religious power is, fortunately, more difficult to obtain and enforce. It is known that wives of several key religious figures in the United States alone are involved with the Red Hats. Their influence extends throughout the Southern Baptist Convention, the Episcopal church, and the Presbyterian church.

Fortunately, their influence has been somewhat frustrated within the Catholic Church due to the celibate, male priesthood, though they are not untouched. A source close to me within the Vatican has told me personally that he believes that this is the key reason why the Catholic Church is so resistant to the female priesthood. They have been aware of the Society’s movements over the last several hundred years, and have been a key force for limiting the society’s power and influence. The very idea of these women donning red hats is an obvious mockery of the hierarchy of the church and the Cardinals in particular.

While the Red Hat Society in its current form seems to have only been around for a short time, the truth is that their history predates the Masons. It is even speculated that the Masons were engineered by the Society in order to divert attention from the Mason’s wives.

You may be asking how it is I became privy to such damning information. It is because I myself was once a member. Bravely cross-dressing in purple and red for truth and justice, I was able to infiltrate a local, Wyoming chapter of the Red Hats. I have personally seen, from the inside, the power these women have over their families and their husbands, many of whom are high-powered business men, elected officials, and religious leaders. While it is true that these women wear purple dresses, it is easy to see just who wears the pants in the family!

If all of this is not proof enough to convince you of the Society’s quest for power and domination, behold the following statement, taken directly from the Red Hat Society’s official web site (www.redhatsociety.com):

“We are all familiar with groups of the past, which stridently sought to achieve their agendas.... If we do not join together under the banner of The Red Hat Society, but rather remain isolated, in unconnected groups, that will not happen. Therefore, we are working to build a dis-organization within which we can all connect and eventually take over the world!”

You must not take this lightly! You may not have realized it, but there are probably representatives of this subversive and nude organization in your own church or religious community! They are powerful and they are dangerous!

If this letter finds publication, my life will most assuredly be in danger. Don’t let my cross-dressing and my untimely demise be in vain! Don’t let these Scarlet Ladies take any more control! The time to rise up is now! Show these slovenly spinsters that you’re mad as hell and you’re not going to be ruled by their nude power anymore!

Let the People Rule!

Regnat Populus!

4 comments:

JD said...

my mom is up here visiting in d.c. and said she read about these "hat ladies" on your blog, and she's in fact heard about these ladies, but surely this whole nudity thing is tongue and cheek. i just told her better we don't know...

Father Aaron said...

the nudity is all too real.

I found it accidentally (and horrifically) when I did an image search for 'Red Hat Society'!

T-Nel said...

Tsk. Boooooooob.

Moof said...

Naughty!

This Red Hat lady thinks you're a dweeb.